Tuesday, February 26, 2013


Last Friday, the kids and I were on our way out to Fort Worth to get Jackson's allergy shot. It's a good little  30 minute drive for us both ways. It's a drive we take every other Friday. It's a drive that is part of our routine. Most of the time, Jackson just falls asleep in the front seat. Most of the time. This time was different. This time my 10 year old boy just held my hand. And he held it tight. Really, really tight. As if he was trying to tell me something but he didn't have the words. At that moment, I had to hold back tears. Because whether or not Jackson was trying to speak to me without words or he just wanted to hold my hand and cut off any feeling I had in it, the truth is, Jackson lives a life I can't relate to. Both of my older kids do. And that makes me sad. It makes it harder for me to make things better for them.

They live two different lives. Back and forth, between my house and their dad's, there is nothing consistent between the two households. Nothing. At all. Not even in the way we love them. Think about that. Because that is all I could think about on our trip out to Fort Worth that Friday. How hard it must be for a 4 year old, 5, 6, 8, 10 year old boy to be two different people constantly. I can't fix that for him. I can't change things that are out of my control. I can't change how he feels when he is on the other side of town, in a house that doesn't feel like a home to him. I use to think that this would make me feel happy. Or comforted in some way. But it doesn't. It makes me feel like I have child that is lost. That doesn't know who he is. Where he belongs. He doesn't know how to be happy. He is a people pleaser to a fault. He doesn't know any other way and until now, it frustrated me. (It still may a little) But I have to think that he is like this because of his situation. Because of how he has been raised and it may not be my influence but he has been influenced all the same.

As I sat there hiding my tears behind my big sunglasses I thought about when Jackson was Landon's age. Even younger. He was so happy. The sweetest, prettiest little boy ever. I thought about how I never pictured this life for him. That in all honesty, all you want for your children is to be happy. You will do whatever you can in your power to make that happen. I am powerless now. I can tell Jackson a thousand different times how "he's lucky because he gets 2 Christmases or 2 Birthday Party celebrations or that he has even more people to love him" - The truth of the matter is, Jackson would rather have some sort of normalcy on a consistent basis then 2 Christmas. Jackson knows that it's the best we can come up with when he asks, "Why?" And that this is the best it's ever going to get. That his life will forever be a struggle between back and forth. Between Mom and Dad. Between two houses that are as different as night and day. He will have to deal with choices some kids don't have to consider. He will have to figure out a way, on his own, to discover who he is.

All you can do as a parent with every other weekend is do the best to make your lives together and your house you are raising your babies in feel like home. Give them space to grow. Allow them to make mistakes and learn from them. Afford them the opportunities to make their own decisions. Don't ever make them feel like they are choosing between one or the other. Love the 'other' as much as humanely possible. Whether they deserve it or not. Set the good examples. Embrace the fact that you have no control over all of it. Take your "part" and blow it out of the water. I want my kids to say one day, "I want to be like my Mother. I want to have her heart. Her understanding. My mom was 'home' to me."

Hold on, to me as we go
As we roll down this unfamiliar road
And although this wave is stringing us along
Just know you’re not alone
Cause I’m going to make this place your home

Settle down, it'll all be clear
Don't pay no mind to the demons
They fill you with fear
The trouble it might drag you down
If you get lost, you can always be found

Just know you’re not alone
Cause I’m going to make this place your home

Friday, February 22, 2013

Mo' Money, Minimal Problems....

I have some complaining to do today. Complaining isn't really in my nature but it's healthy so I'm just going to go for it. This may be somewhat difficult because I just took a sip of my first and only cup of coffee today and it was delightful.

Let's give it a whirl.

Mo' Money, Mo' Problems, My Ass. Truth. Money is such an evil necessity, isn't it? People just want to get by. They want a roof over their head, food on the table, shoes on their feet, clothes on their back. Maybe sign their kid up for soccer or ballet. Stay home with their babies while their babies are babies and sacrifice some things. Work hard at something you hate so you can send your kid to private school. Work hard at something you love, to not have enough money at the end of the month to pay the bills. Every scenario is different but it's all encompassing of the same goal. Getting by with little stress. The world doesn't work that way I suppose.

Mo' Money, Minimal Problems. Unless you're an idiot who blows it all. Then I don't feel sorry for you.

I survived my teenage years. I did well. I had friends in and out of school. I made good grades. I was athletic.I had some really good teachers. I had boyfriends. I learned how to learn. I did the 'Rachel' hair cut right after being nominated for best hair. I only cried a little when I lost to Amy Noris for Prom Queen. I didn't make fun of people. I was a well rounded teenager. (not as round as I am today) Don't get me wrong. I made some mistakes. I got busted for lying to my parents. I took money from my mom. (sounds better than stole) I was hurt by boys and girls, because girls are just so mean. But I learned all my lessons pretty well and moved on from them. I don't think I deserve any type of reward for this. My reward is my experiences. However, I don't feel like I should be punished.


Are you freaking kidding me with this crap?!?!?! Really?? In my early twenties I got complimented on my skins' complexion and now...Well now...my hormones can just go to hell! Now, I look like I should have when I was a teen. It's ridiculous. It's bad enough that I'm getting older. That I have to wear sunblock now or I will wrinkle or get more sunspots or weird bumps on my leg that I have to go get checked out because I'm scared to death it's cancer. (It, in fact, was not cancer) It's bad enough that I can't lose weight easily or have 'Shark Weeks' from hell. It's all bad enough. I'm a grown up. And I take it back. I should be rewarded for surviving my teenage years. I should be able to keep my teenage skin. If I can't keep my teenage boobs, then give me my teenage skin. That way...if I ever have "Mo' Money" I can get "Mo Boobs". ;-)

Happy Friday Ya'll and Happy Margarita Day!!!

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Mama has skillz

 I got some sh*%$ done this weekend people. Like for reals. And it feels good!! The rest of my house, I can't keep up with. And laundry. I totally neglected the laundry over the weekend. But...other than that..I got 'er done.

This is.........Awesome. (if you didn't read that while singing Thrift Shop you have failed)

Sam's is smart to sell fridges/freezers. You almost have to purchase an additional one on top of the one that you already have at home so you can fit everything you buy from Sam's in it. Either way, I still love shopping there. It makes me want to go camping.

I want to go camping. So lets, shall we?

Dear Wal-Mart, You seriously suck. Is there any logical reason why you no longer sell red bell peppers anymore? No, in fact, there is not. Also, your deli is a joke. Make up your mind on when you close. And quit employing lazy people to run it.

Dear Kroger, I love you. All of you. The End.

We took the kids to Urban Air Trampoline Park yesterday. (Is that what it's called?) Anyways, super fun. A couple things though. First off, I'm positive out of all the parents there, Jacob and I were the only adults jumping. What is that about? Secondly, I almost peed my pants jumping. True story. I had to chill out on my super, extra high jumping skills or our day of fun was going to end abruptly. Mama has skillz though. Fo shizzle.

Don't you hate when you tell yourself that everything happens for a reason just so you can bare the bad news. Bad meaning it really wasn't the outcome you were hoping for. The thing is, everything does happen for a reason. Everything. You just may not know it anytime soon. Or ever. But just so know....there is a different plan for you than the one you wanted for yourself. Be patient.

I had two cheat meals this weekend. Not days. Meals. And they were both delicious. So was Matt.  My husband is way hotter than Matt, the waiter. And after 6 months, may be able to grow facial hair like him.

My hotter than Matt husband is falling apart. I'm beginning to think he has been lying to me about his age all this time. I know longer think I married younger. I even question his brain and memory function. But he's smart. So, there's that.

Dear Will Power/Self Control - get your crap together. You knew buying that Dark Chocolate Pomegranate was a horrible idea from glorious Sam's and now....Now you have to will yourself to stay away from it. Stay away. Stay away from the deliciousness of it. Oh God, I want some now.

Have a good week and try to be a good person and not steal anything! Kthanksbye!!

With Love,

Amy Marie

Friday, February 15, 2013

These Are a Few of My Favorite Things...

I think Fridays are my favorite day to write. Friday's are happy. They make me want to say words like "ya'll" and "fun" and "weekend". I get all nestled in to my chair at my desk and feel like it's the perfect start to what's to come for me. Down time. It's the beginning of my down time.

I thought I would share some new things I have tried out lately that I really love. By things I mean food and/or products. Then there is that one product I tried that made me look like Popeye...you know the one....the spinach eating, garbage can living man. Yep, that one. But we will get to that.

A few of my favorite things:

Honey Chicken Salad : (makes 2 servings/270 calories per serving - close to 3/4 cup) 1 can of chicken (12.5 oz), 1 tablespoon of mayo, 1 tablespoon of greek plain yogurt, 1 tablespoon of honey, salt, pepper and sage to season) The original recipe that I got this from calls for celery, green apples (to add a tart) and golden raisins. I, personally, do not like celery and didn't have any golden raisins on hand. So I improvised. I added cranraisins and instead of sage (again didn't have this), I used cilantro to season. It was delicious. I made it two days in a row for lunch for the hubby and myself. I am sure I am going to make it again this weekend. Split the batch in two and you have plenty for a lunch. He put his on a sandwich round, I just ate mine without. I did have a few tortilla chips with it. (about 5)

I ordered two work out tanks from sunsetsigndesigns through Etsy. I love them. They are so soft and fit so well. Not too tight, not too big. Just right, said Goldilocks. I ordered a large in both. She even special made me this one here.  She will put whatever you want on a shirt for you. I'm thinking maybe this is where we should order our Color Run shirts from!! 

I have tons of sports bras. Hey...remember when I had like two?? Well, the sports bra Gods have blessed me with many more. Twelve if we are counting. I have my faves and my second faves...(no need to worry, I'm not posting pics of me in sports bras) Oh...but wouldn't it be nice if I looked good enough to do so. Sigh...anyways...My fave is from Target. It's full coverage and they come in really cute colors!! I like colors!

My second faves is the Nike one on the bottom. It's good coverage and is Dry Fit material. That stuff is for real. I love it!

I tried a sample of Make Up Forever HD in Flesh 118 this week. My sister had mentioned trying it and loved the coverage. Said she felt like she didn't need much concealer after putting it on. I think my face has more scars and sun spots than hers does so I still needed concealer but it was good coverage and it felt light. Not too heavy. It made my pores look smaller too. (I can't believe this is even an issue for me) Apparently it is a pretty popular product right now so it's hard to come by. I want to try another shade and will probably go get another sample of the same just because I can but I recommend it. It's a bit pricey though so be sure you get a sample of it first before buying.

I currently use Revlon Photoready in Shell and I feel like it is somewhat comparable to the Make Up Forever HD. Good coverage and light. So far it's my favorite out of all the foundations I currently have. Although I'm sure if I ever get the Make Up Forever HD that may be my new  go to foundation.

Speaking of concealing, my concealer is the bomb-diggity. I love it. Best concealer I have ever had. It's by No7 and you can find it at Target. I use the Fair color and I highly recommend this stuff if you are in need of a good concealer. If you aren't, well then I don't really like you very much.

I'm sure e.l.f. has some really good products. I just haven't found them yet. They are cheap so even if you don't like them, you aren't really losing too much mula.  I did get the Make Up Mist and Set spray. I have no idea if it really works. I guess it does. It smells good anyways. And it has Vitamins  and Aloe, Green Tea and Cucumber in it. At the very least it's refreshing.

I also tried the e.l.f. Tone Corrector for eyes, lips and face in Apricot Beige. Totally smells like Apricot btw. It's not a good concealer at all. But it does help under my eyes a tad bit. I'm still searching for that perfect eye highlighter that makes me look more awake.

The e.l.f. All over Color Stick is the devil. This cost me more than a dollar. This also cost me a shot in my buttox because my eyes swelled up. Obviously there is something in this that I am allergic to.  I know my skin under my eyes is very sensitive but I put a lot of things  under my eyes and it doesn't cause them to swell. This stuff did.

This is after the shot. It had gone down some. Then my eyes started to leak and itch. Yeah..No fun!

I made this for my hubby for VDay. I love it! Like more than he does. I may be hooked. I want to make a billion more for no reason at all!! I also don't know how well the permanent marker will hold up in a wash. To play it safe I am going to wash this mug by hand but I read it was dish washer safe too. I also read that a lot of people experience the marker going away completely. Oh well, it's cute now! Even if just for a little while. I bought the white mug at the dollar store and just used normal Sharpie Permanent Markers. I preheated the oven to 350 degrees and left the cup in there for 30 minutes. I then let it sit in the oven to cool. Probably another two hours at least.

Happy Fun Weekend Ya'll!!!

With Love,

Amy Marie

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Diary of a Mad White Woman

Not so Deep Thoughts

I'm all over the place on this one. I didn't even bother to spell or grammar check. Good luck.

I know Jacob is trying to wake me up but I'm just going to pretend like I can't hear him so I can get 30 to 45 more seconds of "shut eye". Why is it so cold in this damn house all the time. I need socks. I cannot go downstairs without socks.

Oh wow. My upper arms and back are sore from Combat yesterday. Awesome, I love that class even more now. I love punching. Punching makes me feel strong and focused. And I love knowing I am sore from punching air. 

Okay so I know I told Jacob that I am more than happy to prepare his lunch for him every day in the morning but now I'm doing three lunches. That's annoying. Shut up Amy. He deserves at least that. Shut up and don't say anything.  "You know you are like a kid now because I have to make your lunch in the morning too!" Ya just couldn't keep your mouth shut could you.

I don't want to do Ella's hair. It's such a waste of time to "fix" her hair, she always takes it down.  I'm ready for her to cut it off. Plus she loses all our ponytail holders. "Do you want to get a hair cut?" "No!!!" Whatever.

I'm looking forward to body pump today. Ugh...Jackson forgot his lunch. Okay I will drop that off on my way to the gym.

I'm getting Crystal a bench, just in case. Although, these bp-ers are like serious about this stuff. They may get pissed if there is a random bench taking up space. I will just pretend like I don't know who put it there.
Yep, I just "woo-hoo'd" in class. Loud. Was I the only one who did that? Awesome. Thank God for loud music. Only Crystal knows the truth. 

I can't believe I just let Crystal talk me into making a video. The things I do...

What is for lunch? I'm hungry. I'm always hungry. Food is stupid. Speaking of stupid. This weather is stupid. We literally had like three weeks of winter. If that. That means that summer is going to be like hell on earth. Which means I have to wear shorts. I do not like shorts. Summer is stupid. Food and Summer are both stupid. 

I feel really good today. Like I'm going to pray to God that I have this same amount of energy when it's time to work out tonight. "Dear God, please let me keep this energy level through out the day. I want to walk away tonight with a red face and drenched shirt." Amen.

Heck yeah, only laundry i have for the day is towels. Love that. Okay are Landon's underwears disappearing. Seriously. Okay so i have Landon's laundry and towels. Heck yeah just went to...yeah.

So yes, my prayers worked. I'm ready to go. I don't feel too exhausted at all. Let's do this. I'm running 5 damn miles tonight. I need to do this. I can do this. After I clean up Landons puke from crying so hard from hitting his head on the floor. He is a non-stop puke machine. For reals.

Did I just stretch my arms before starting to run. I did, I actually did that. I never do that. Odd. Wait, it's because they are sore and it feels good to stretch them and it's because today, I feel good about this run. Time to break the 4 mile cycle. Here. We. Go.

I'm starting two songs back. Something different. It's already helping.

1 mile in, body check. Feel good. First mile was easy. Normally after a morning of body pump it would be  hard by now. This is a good sign.

Mile 2, Steph is calling me. I can't stop. If I stop it will be too hard to start up again and it's still pretty easy for me. Besides, look at this girl in front of me. She's amazing. She's young. She's overweight. She has been running since I have been on here. I'm not stopping if she isn't stopping. 2 minutes later - crap, she stopped. okay well I have to keep going. Music is good. Legs are moving. Can't stop sweating. I can do this. I'm half way there. Plus, I feel like a bad A next to the man and woman on both sides of me walking. I do. And I'm okay feeling that way. Damn it, just swallowed my spit the wrong way - I just gasped and now I'm trying to catch my breath from it. Ugh....Okay I'm almost to 4. My brain is trying to fool me. It's telling me I'm almost done...It's a tricky thing...Shut up Brain!

4 mile mark and I get a text from husband two treadmills over "I'm just walking off the last 39 calories."
Screw a duck..NOooooo!! That's all I needed, an excuse to be done. I've hit 4 miles and he is done. I have done good but that wasn't my goal for tonight. And tonight is the night. I will be so mad at myself if I stop now. Just.Keep. Going. My lungs are good - big deep breath. My legs are moving. The only thing that hurts is the bottom of my feet and I can run through that. I am going to make myself proud.

4.5 miles. I want to quit. I want to stop but I have two more laps. Two more. I can do that. I am almost there. Time to put on my song. Fort Minor. Remember the Name. Listen to the beat, run with the beat. Now speed up.

5 miles. Mission Accomplished. Happy Girl. Seriously happy girl. Red faced and drenched shirt.

Friday, February 1, 2013

Random Friday!!!!

F BOMB all of it! To every single article, study, statistic and blog I have read regarding weight loss. Oh sorry, "fat loss". They all conflict with each other. Each one of them tells me different things. Who am I suppose to believe? The professor of human nutrition from Kansas State University who ate nothing but Twinkies and Little Debbie Snacks for 2 months and lost 27 lbs or a random blogger who got tired of being fat and went from 280 pounds to 145 all on her own. (That is seriously hard to do, props to her for getting it done on her own. She's a bad A in my book)

Whatevs. I say, to each his own. Every one's body is different. Gotta find what works for you.

Annnnnnnnnnd......I'm still searching.

Honey roasted Peanut Butter is friggin' awesome. Like, seriously, who thought of that? Because you are a genius. Yet another bad A in my book. If you're wondering, I'm writing a book about Bad A's. 

I'm obsessed with make-up. Have I mentioned that? It's a new obsession of mine.  My sister is hooked as well. So now, we send each other blogs about make-up tips and tricks and then, every morning, on our drive to the gym, we discuss our list of things we need to buy. Our lists are getting long.

Poor husbands.

Speaking of the gym. I'm doing step today. It's the first time I have done step in probably two years. Like a friend said, it's like riding a bike, once you get back on you remember how to do it. But today, I have two people willing to make an ass out of themselves and go to the class with me. That is love right there folks.

Texas weather is stupid. The end. 

I have a date tonight with a very hot man. I'm slightly excited about this. I say slightly because this means I have to find something out of my closet to wear that I am comfortable in. That's like saying my children will get a long with one another for an entire day. Damn near impossible. 

I had 5 eggs yesterday. Five!!! What the hell. I didn't even mean to do this. I had two egg whites for breakfast. A hard boiled egg post morning work out and then two scrambled eggs on a whole wheat sandwich round for lunch. I had forgotten what I had for breakfast apparently. I was concerned during my 4 mile run there could be some costly side effects. So concerned, in fact, that when I got home, I had, yet, another hard boiled egg for my post work out protein. 

I had 6 eggs yesterday. Gross.

Last night, my 8 year old daughter asked me why "girls marry girls sometimes" and " do they K.I.S.S.?" It's times like these that I want to tap out of my role as a mother and let someone more brilliant stand in. I'm so worried I will give her the wrong answer that I would rather someone else take care of that for me and get it right the first time and then I will gladly step back in and be mommy again.... after I have had a full pedi, a massage and a nap. 

Happy Friday!!!

With Love,

Amy Marie