A Big Believer in Not Believing...

It's so quiet right now. Kids at school. Landon went back to sleep. No coffee. I couldn't think of anything else to do but this. Not that I have any new brilliant news to share with you. I know, I know....this is disappointing. We can deal with it and get through it together.

I saw friend of mine yesterday while I went from completely drab, horrible roots to blonder than I have ever been it's kind of a shock to look at myself in the mirror. This friend of mine is having a baby. Like right now. She had a scheduled C-Section at 7:30 a.m. this morning I believe. Yesterday, she was asking me an array of questions. Questions in which I thoroughly enjoyed being asked. It just brought me back to my pregnancy. All three of them in one way or another. It's such an awesome, beautiful, blessed gift to be able to carry a child. I'm so excited for her. I knew exactly what she was feeling yesterday. Anxious. Excited. Nervous. And I knew what she was feeling last night when she probably couldn't sleep. And this morning when she had to be at the hospital at 5 a.m. And right now. Elated joy. Feelings you can't quite put into words . (well you could if you were a good writer) Congratulations Gemma!! You will be drinking Margs on a patio before you know it! ; )

Speaking of Margs on a patio and being pregnant - I wanted to quit. I feel like I am a joke to people. I mean I think if I weren't me but knew me, I would think that I was a joke. Not that anyone would make me feel this way. My friends and family are far too kind for that. So obviously, either I am convinced that, secretly they think I'm a joke or I, myself, think this.  And I'm sure it's the latter of the two. I work out every day. And I work out hard every day. And I haven't got on a scale in weeks. Which has helped me I believe. Did I already write about this? I'm a big believer in not believing..... in that number on the scale. It's just a number. I tell just about everybody this. I had this same conversation with my cousin Jill. She has been working her butt off doing boot camp, for weeks now. Her first week her loss in inches was awesome!! Like a standing ovation AWESOME! But I guess after a month she did it again and it was not what she was hoping for. Like I don't know how bad it was but she was discouraged. I said the same thing to her that my friends said to me the other night. "Who cares!! Your getting healthier every day! That's all that matters!" And I imagine that when I told her that, she felt the same way I did hearing it. Because lets be honest - If you are a person that has been consumed with or obsessed with your weight your entire adult life then the numbers DO MATTER! At the very least, an obvious result to the hard work you have put in would be nice. Rewarding at best. It does matter that if you work out every day or just about and nothing changes or you gain - it's all for what? It DOES MATTER. And yes, I know that I am healthy. I'm in shape. Or more than I was. And more than the person that doesn't work out but I don't care. Because those people are smaller than me. Those people are comfortable in their clothes. And that's what I want. But...I'm not quitting. I will never quit. Because even though it DOES MATTER - it also matters that I can live a longer life with my kids and my husband. And that's where the benefit of health comes in. So I will take it for now but that isn't what is going to keep me going. Results. I will be patient. I will NOT be a JOKE to myself. I will PROVE myself WRONG.

Boom!!

My Bucket List - I am proud to say that I have done most everything on it...and it was fun. And I want to continue to do it...

Picnic Lunch at the "beach" 
Best idea ever and we are doing this again really soon.
Put together Ella's lego set with Ella
Go for a walk after dinner
Play WAR with Jackson
Watch a movie with Husband after babies are in bed 
Okay well technically we didn't rent a movie...oh wait, yes we did. And it was funny. The Sitter. Yep, that's it! It was pretty funny. I recommend it.
Send a text to a friend to let them know I am aware of what they have been up to and that I am thinking of them.
Send my husband an email telling him how much he means to me
Write a note in Jackson and Ella's Mommy and Me journals
Introduce Landon to a trampoline and a water hose at the same time
Bake something new and bring it to Nana - Make with Ella.
Half the battle is picking a dessert out. There are so many. So I had Ella pick one out yesterday while I made dinner. She picked out a good one. Since they are going to their dad's this weekend we are going to have to do it next week but I'm pretty ecstatic about what she picked. 
Go swimming for as long as Husband can stand it. (wimp) 
I am a tan goddess. (with really blonde hair)

Chocolate Mint Icebox Dessert 

 Recipe found here.



From my weekend, inspired by my BUCKET LIST

Swimming, Toothless wonder, The "Beach", Field Day, Worn out, Blondie

Signing out,

Amy

Laters Baby...

Momma needs some I.N.S.P.I.R.A.T.I.O.N.  people!!!

Or maybe I just need more quiet time. Yes, that must be it. I need more quiet time.

Or maybe I used all that up when I was reading my last trilogy. Yes, I read 50 Shades. Judge all you want. (I only say this because there were times when I was reading the books that I felt my own "inner goddess" looking at me with one of her eye brows raised, arms crossed  saying, "Really Amy? Really? You are reading that "smut"?) And to her I just said - "REALLY. I AM. AND I MAY READ IT AGAIN. BECAUSE I CAN." How is it possible that you can fall in love with a fictional character from a book? He doesn't even have a face. Well actually he has like 5 to 7 of them because no one can really pin point one guy and every one has their own version of Christian Grey. To each his own I suppose.

Whelp tonight is going to be a night of epic tears. I'm sure of it. Between the season finale of Glee and my last work out with Valerie (workout instructor)...the tears are going to flow. No holding back for me. Well except at the gym. There I will do my best to contain my emotions.  I'm surprised at how sad I am that Valerie is leaving my gym. I don't hang out with her outside the gym or chat with her on a daily basis. But for the last several years I have seen her at least three times a week at that gym. She has pushed me, made me sweat, made my muscles burn, made me sore for days with her vigorous work outs. She has such an infectious attitude. She is so happy all the time. And she makes me feel like I can do just about anything. I guess I'm just afraid that when she's gone I'm going to lose my motivation. But if she has taught me anything it's that I'm doing this for myself. Not for her. Not for the husband or my kids. Just me. Fittingly enough, she played 'I'm a survivor' for our last work out. The girl knows what she's doing.

So I made a bucket list of things I want to accomplish this week. I got the idea from another blog that I read. The idea started out as something very thoughtful and simple. A friend of hers had sent her a text asking her what she was looking forward to this week...and that prompted her to come up with a bucket list. What a great idea. We always dread the week don't we? We always talk about what we have coming up that is so time consuming. Dance on Monday, Baseball on Tuesday, Game on Thursday and Saturday. Work. Painting. Putting a fence up. Paying off a ticket. Field Day. (am I seriously the only parent that does not look forward to field day) Moving. Laundry. Grocery Shopping. Every thing we aren't looking forward to. So make a list of things that you are looking forward to. And don't look at it like a to-do list. More like a 'I can't wait to do list.'

So here is my weekly Bucket List that will more than likely spill over to next week. Fine by me. ;) Gives me something to look forward to.


Picnic Lunch at the "beach"
Put together Ella's lego set with Ella
Go for a walk after dinner
Play WAR with Jackson
Watch a movie with Husband after babies are in bed
Send a text to a friend to let them know I am aware of what they have been up to and that I am thinking of them.
Send my husband an email telling him how much he means to me
Write a note in Jackson and Ella's Mommy and Me journals
Introduce Landon to a trampoline and a water hose at the same time
Bake something new and bring it to Nana - Make with Ella.
Go swimming for as long as Husband can stand it. (wimp)

I have so much more fun things to do this week and weekend. I kinda sorta can't wait!!

You know what would be cool...is if I had more than one pair of work out pants. Seriously. I have one pair. I work out five days a week. One pair. Oh and if I had a sports bra where I didn't have to also wear a regular bra underneath said sports bra to help for support. My one sports bra is from 15 years ago. It's old school. Also, while I'm complaining, if all the work out t-shirts I had didn't have holes in the pits. Seriously. Holes in the pits. I try to wear those when I'm doing just legs or running but some how or another...we have to raise our damn arms for something and then BAM!! There it is folks...Speaking of BAM....holy SPIN class...I have only done it twice and wow!! Hardest work out I have ever done. I love it. Love it. Highly recommend it to anyone wanting to get in shape. It burns so many calories in such a small amount of time. Also, if you don't partake in the stretching or choose a bike at the back of the class no one will notice the big gaping holes you have in the pits of your shirts. Pits is a gross word isn't it? Pits...Pits...Ewww. 

I think I'll end on that note.

Laters baby,

Ana..I mean Amy

Hey a girl can dream can't she...

Hope & Miracles

I'm so not feeling it today...Or yesterday....and I may or may not be feeling it tomorrow...But I can always hope for the best.

Honestly, I was going to leave an outgoing message on here...Something like...

"You have reached the Blog of Amy Marie. She is currently unavailable because she is enthralled with another book trilogy and WAY too captivated and taken aback to be able to put together any of her thoughts that could possibly form words that may eventually get her to full sentences. However, she reads these books at quite a rapid speed. She will be back shortly. "

Something clever and hysterical and along those lines. But I'm not going to do that. No, instead of writing a bunch of unimportant nonsense about me, I'm going to leave you with something else. Something that I read last night and then this morning. Something that I was compelled to share here. Something that contains way  more substance than any blog entry I could ever have come up with.

So here you go...(side note: have tissue near by)

http://www.mamalaughlin.com/2012/05/when-skies-are-gray.html

And then I read this...and was reminded of sweet things. Hope & Miracles.

http://momastery.com/blog/2012/05/01/miracle-two-eyes-wide-open/